Oops!
by Fat Sassy Bride
Summary: Lara dies, horribly and repeatedly. Round 2: Lara vs. the Great Wall of China!
1. Larasaurus Wrecks

Oops

Chapter 1: Larasaurus Wrecks  
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Lara Croft had killed many thing before, and many things had killed her—or, no, perhaps those were but mere dreams...? She couldn't recall anything she'd done to attain immortality, at the very least.

But none of that currently mattered as, on the outskirts of the lost city of Vilcabamba, Peru, Lara battled a ferocious reptile thought to be long-dead: The Tyrannosaurus Rex. The so-called King of the Dinosaurs.

The dinosaur was pissing Lara off as much as she was doing the same thing to it. It roared, it shook its head leeringly in her face, it charged, she dodged and shot, she barely outran it as it stormed after her, round and round the circular arena from which there was—conveniently enough—no escape. It was quite tiring, and the look in its eyes suggested possible rape.

As she paused, briefly, to ponder the sensation of being eaten out by an enormous, carnivorous dinosaur, something heavy struck her in the small of her back, sending her tumbling to the ground with an oddly orgasmic shriek.

Dinosaur: 1  
Lara Croft: 0

Lara groaned as she leapt to her feet and shot at the dinosaur, her dual pistols blasting a mysteriously unlimited supply of clips each, until a burst of orange energy flared above the T-Rex's head. It paused, and then charged mightily at her with a bloodcurdling scream.

Her vision blurring and temples throbbing with the rush of adrenaline, everything seemed to slow down for Lara, and she dove to the side—

—And so did the dinosaur! With a snap of ferocious teeth and a sickening crunch, the beast claimed Lara's nubile, glowing, anatomically wondrous body as its own within its mighty jaw. A burst of blood splattered in all directions, staining the surrounding ferns a deep red, which they didn't particularly mind.

Lara screamed weakly within the bastard's hold as he shook her like a dog with an aggressive toy, her ribs crunched into splinters, her liver, sternum, and uterus impaled by the deadly bone spikes. The T-Rex tossed her into the air with a flourish, like a piece of popcorn, nimbly catching her flying ponytail now and smashing her repeatedly against the ground oh god it was horrible blood everywhere, man, blood everywhere.

Disregarding the horror of the scene, the T-Rex tossed her screaming ass up into the air once more, this time crunching her body in half as everything below her waist was promptly scissored off by another brutal snap of its jaws. She tasted like chicken, the dinosaur decided, chewing thoughtfully and belching loudly after a generous gulp. Making sure nobody had been present to admonish it for the social faux pas, it continued working on Lara's upper half, munching cheerfully upon the fat deposits in her enormous titties.

It sniffed thoughtfully at the sloppy, mangled, dripping mess of Lara's lower half on the ground, flesh and muscle half-ripped from bone by the repeated impacts and several tendons snapped. A further sniff revealed a lingering fart, something a proper young lady should not be able to even do. Deciding to leave the remains for a snack, the dinosaur sauntered off, roaring its triumph to the shaking heavens.

Dinosaur: 2  
Lara Croft: 0

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That'll teach her to lose against the fucking T-Rex.

Lara dies repeatedly in upcoming chapters! Read all about it! Read it in The Many Deaths of Ms. Croft, which did it better!


	2. Hitting The Wall

Oops

Chapter 2: Hitting The Wall

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The merest hints brought Lara to the strangest placesjust the mildest allusion to an ancient Chinese legend had brought her into the depths of the Great Wall, combing sections left untouched by the passing centuries...

Well, mostly untouched. But a few bullets from her .45s had been plenty to dispose of those troublesome tigers and crows, and a quick stomp had crunched the large, venomous spiders into a gooey splatter upon the stone floors of a musty chamber.

But there was no manner in which to dispose of the dangerously razor-sharp blades that shot out of the tunnel walls ahead of her, their slots set at precise increments along the rock. She could, of course, crawl, but then risk drowning - the water was quite deep, and it was a long tunnel.

Furthermore, she kept feeling small gusts wisp by her - a quick glance to either side told her that another set of slots shot blades down the length of the tunnel, and one false move to either side could be hazardous.

"It's always going to be something like this," she muttered to herself as she recalled similar traps in the mountains of Peru. Scanning her surroundings, she could just barely make out a high crevice in one of the tunnel wallsfar too small for her to fit, but just high enough and with just enough room to grip, hug the wall, and shimmy right over the dangers.

Sucking in a deep breath, Lara rolled to her left, her critical timing paying off as she just barely dodged another blade. She took a slightly crouched stance and suddenly jumped, springing from all the strength gathered into her legs. _There! Just made it!_ she thought as she gripped the crevice and planted her feet, crawling across the wall sideways, in something of a quick and spidery fashion. As she reached the end of the tunnel, she hung off backwards for a split second before jumping off, twisting her body in midair to grab the ledge to the next tunnel

"_Oh!_" she shrieked, pulling herself up quickly as a blade cut across her calf, spraying a small burst of blood into the water. Frowning, she bandaged it up quickly and continued down the tunnel, grimacing as she fell into a bit of a limp. Her leg would have to be cut off later for its insubordination... but at the present, it was far too vital to dispose of. Perhaps when she became too old for this shit.

Groaning slightly, she eventually picked up speed as she ran over a wobbly, unsupported layer of stones that shook and rumbled beneath her feet - as she cleared the pit, she heard horrible crashing noises behind her. The stones had fallen... onto what, she didn't know.

The ground now shook beneath her, and she shook her head furiously as she pulled into a pained run again, not daring to look behind her as the rumbling grew louder and louder-

-_Oh!_ Her eye just barely caught the upcoming row of long, dangerous, blood-stained spikes in a bit ahead, and as she jumped over them, landing safely on the other side, the ground angled a sharp drop and she found herself helplessly sliding down, down, down...

With a heavy _thud_, she landed in a large room below, high stone walls on all sides with but one small tunnel set a ways up as the escape. Lara briefly pondered the wisdom of stopping to rest for a second, when a sickening grinding, crunching noise on both sides of her told her that the walls on opposite ends of the room were sliding toward her, slowly, menacingly. Rolling her eyes and thinking that the ancient Chinese really were a bunch of bitch-asses with their fucking traps, Lara grunted and jumped up toward the small escape tunnel, heaving herself up and just barely making it out-

__

CRUNCH

"NO!" Lara screamed, fire shooting up through her nerves as a long spike pierced her already-injured leg, punching through the ankle. Shaking, crying, screaming, Lara fell to the floor helplessly and tried in vain to work her ankle free of its merciless captor. Every wriggle, every grind of bone against bone, every twitch caused her to scream in agony.

Finally, with a mighty tug and an earth-rattling shriek, she ripped her leg free... leaving behind the bloody remains of her boot-clad, impaled foot.

Sobbing, Lara crawled forward slowly, inch by agonizing inch. She was trapped down here now. There was no hope for escape - not with the traps she felt were ahead. She pounded a fist against the floor repeatedly, sniffling and choking as the horrible realization of her impending death dawned on her.

And the floor beneath her suddenly shook and quivered...

"No..." Lara muttered. Not like this! "No - no! NO!"

She couldn't crawl backwards fast enough, and as the stones beneath her suddenly began to fall to the ground below, she wailed, pitching forward only brief seconds before razor-sharp, blood-soaked bone spikes punched all through her body and her head. One had gouged right through her eye, piercing her brain. Another had rammed right through her open, screaming mouth, decimating her uvula and erupting from the back of her neck as she constantly fought to scream and vomit and cry. Still one more spike had pierced her vagina straight through, exiting just above her anus. And yet more had taken their claim of various other parts of her body, stabbing through her navel, her lungs, her kidney...

She wriggled weakly on the spikes, her blood trickling down and slowly pooling. With a bile-splattering belch, she expired.


End file.
